… not THE abyss, perhaps … but AN abyss, nevertheless.
At least this time I did not put my toe into the depths, as happened in the late nineties when I was thirty and my heart stopped for eleven seconds. I still have that flatline printout as a reminder that every moment is precious. Sometimes, I still forget.
First, an apology to my readers and a thank you to Jenna for updating you briefly.
This time, it was my turn to be in the hospital, DH hardly manageded to visit (due to his paying job), and I’m not entirely clear on many of the medical details of the situation because, basically, my body nearly shut down for good.
The scariest details would be that my blood pressure was 62/39 (barely conscious, so it really is more amazing I remember so MUCH of the situation, hazily or otherwise), I went into acute kidney failure, and I was so anemic it was the equivalent of missing two pints of blood. (I wonder whose I received back to keep me going? I wondered lots of things about each of you — Do you stitch? What might you have been reading, or did you perhaps nod off, while you donated your pint for me? — as I lay watching your blood run slowly down into my arm … )
Obviously, it is extremely important that my primary care doctor and the flunky Illinois doctors he has to work with determine WHERE I am losing all that blood, and that they do so fast, or … well. I mean unwell.
It is, as yet, unclear exactly what went awry first — the kidney failure or the anemia? Perhaps it doesn’t matter, but in my mind, it seems the anemia is now the more important issue. In the doctors’ minds, the kidney failure is currently primary, even though my kidneys are now functioning normally (minus the frequent kidney stones, of which I have suffered three just since returning home). I can understand that when the body’s organs fail in a certain order, as they do, it is important to restart certain things first and get them working normally. What I cannot understand is to continue focusing on only the worst symptom (in fact, death itself is only a symptom if you look at things a certain way), rather than on seeking the ultimate cause.
At the same time, I am tired. SO tired. It’s really, really hard to keep trying to fight for even your life when the doctors all just look at you as if you are being silly to do so, and I have pretty much run out of doctors in this area to consult — or to even be legally ALLOWED to consult. In addition, I am losing my ability to drive. My doctor has so far refused to take away that privilege, but the fact remains that I am less and less able to safely drive because of the terrible vertigo and the unpredictable blood pressure. Going to new doctors even further away is simply an impossibility for me at this point.
In any case, determining which things are causes and which are effects is befuddling to even the very few C student Illinois doctors, and so … my actually rather good A- doctor is trying to run the show without an awful lot of things he really could use in that black doctor’s bag of his.
With that, I must thank all of you for your many, many, MANY lovely emails, comments, and even telephone calls. So, too, for your prayers, warm thoughts, well wishes, or however you might choose to phrase such things, which most certainly must have been swirling around in Illinois’ November winds, protecting me from who knows what harm in my dizzy, oh-SO-dizzy, anemic, double-visioned haze. It will be weeks before I am able to respond in kind to everyone, unless I can determine some way to convince the cats they actually work for me, rather than the other way around … 
Oh, wait … they ARE working for me, as there is no need whatsoever for an electric blanket in this house, even when my blood pressure IS far too low. Always, always, ALWAYS remember to give credit where credit is due! 
I will very soon (starting Saturday, in fact, so look for another hiatus shortly … but I am trying very hard to complete outstanding issues first here on INN) be headed to Michigan for a consult with an A+ doctor in hopes of having her interface by phone with my primary care doctor here. Weather and wheels willing, I’ll be back again and trying to get more into the INN swing of things by late next Wednesday, November 21st, or possibly early the next morning.
This post has already grown much longer and more expansive than I intended. Further details will likely appear on my personal blog for those who may be interested.
[tags] Heather Orn, Heather L Orn [/tags]
Heather, health first, INN second. Do iron pills help, or is the iron just leaking away somewhere? I know how scary that is, having had acute anemia at one time, and the pain of breathing just made me stop. Scared everyone, found help, but it’s frightening. I’m glad things are functioning normally, but take care of you before you worry about anything else.
That sounds awful! I hope that the long visit to see the good doctor pays back!
Will be keeping my fingers crossed that you can get your problems sorted out. I was watching “Dr House” last night. It sounds like you would make a good case study for the team !
Best wishes,
Tam.
Look after yourself. That is so much more important than INN! INN will still be here when you are back on track. Wishing you a rapid recovery.